Since Covid-19 social restrictions have come in, I’ve been struck by the thoughtfulness of my married friends. They’ve asked considered questions about how I’m coping during these strange times, and shown sensitivity to the unique challenges I face as a single woman.
I am not surprised by this care. In the Bible God encourages Christians, who are themselves adopted into sonship through Jesus (Eph 1:5), to show Christian-family affection for one another (1 Tim 3:15, Heb 13:1). Single people in the Christian community can know the beauty and comfort of being part of the true, spiritual family of God. Our church family can be a great comfort during these turbulent times.
It’s a basic and beautiful truth that as Christians, regardless of marital status, we must model ourselves on Jesus, putting on humility and servant-heartedness. Paul exhorts Christians to put off selfish ambition and vain conceit and, ‘in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.’ (Phil 2:3-4). As we relate with our married brothers and sisters, we can have the same mindset as Jesus (2:5) who went so far as to relinquish heavenly status, take on human creatureliness, and die an agonising death for the sake of his enemies.
Single people will face unique challenges during this season which married people in the church need to be responsive to. I direct you to Richard Sweatman’s excellent blog, acknowledging these challenges, and how our married family might care for us. But regardless of whether our friends have been especially thoughtful during this season, or whether we have felt alone and uncared for, Jesus’ model is still to be our mindset. Now is the time to look to the interest of those around us, not our own.
So how can Christians who are single love the married people in our church communities? Here are a few ideas:
Talk some Bible truth
According to Paul, the gift of singleness is beautiful undivided devotion to the Lord. A married man or woman is concerned with the things of this world – pleasing a husband or wife (1 Cor 7:32-35). Perhaps your friend has to balance working from home, supporting his wife, sharing in the schooling of his school-age children, and the care of his preschool-aged kids too. Don’t assume your friend has had time to open their Bible amidst all of this change. Why not ask them what they are thinking about God at the moment, and even open the Bible during your chat? You could ask how they’re going devoting time to God in their day? You could even ask if they need some accountability to prioritise carving out time with God.
Be intentional about supporting marriages
During this season, marriages will be under pressure like never before. As a married friend said to me, ‘Marriages that were under strain before, will be under even more strain now.’ I encourage you to show godly interest in your friends’ marriage.
Have you asked your friend how their marriage is going during this time? Perhaps they’re having a great season because lots of extra-curricular activities have paused. But maybe they’re fighting a lot more because they’re both working from home and they’re facing difficulty getting work deadlines done at home?
You could read Ephesians 5:22-32 before calling your married friend. That will help you to keep God’s view of marriage in your head as you chat. Encourage your friend to prioritise loving and serving their spouse over and above any children they might have. Offer to pray and then pray ongoingly.
Be generous in your thinking
Perhaps pre-Covid you’d been developing a strong bond with your married mate who you hung out with on a semi-regular basis. You’d text throughout the week, and you were confident that if you called after 7:30pm your friend would be up for a chat. But because of Covid, everything has changed – they’re not answering their phone, and you can’t even go for a coffee together like you used to. All because you aren’t in their immediate family. Maybe you’re feeling frustrated, hurt, or resentful.
It might be tempting to start thinking, ‘They’re busy focussing on their nuclear family because they’re scared I’ll give them Covid’, or ‘This shows me that I’m not really that important’. Stop thinking these ungenerous thoughts! Instead fill your mind with generous and loving thoughts, and bear with your friends (Col 3:13).
Develop generous thoughts by using ‘maybe’ or ‘I wonder’. For example:
‘She hasn’t texted me back for a couple of days. I wonder how her week has been? Maybe she’s exhausted from having the kids home all the time.’
‘He’s said he can’t go for a ride because his wife is concerned about Covid. I wonder how that must feel, to be supporting his wife? Maybe navigating social distancing has been big for their marriage.’
You won’t regret disciplining your thoughts about your friend, and thinking about their needs more than your own.
Organise a family hang
Some of my closest friends have had me to dinner regularly over the last 10 years. And we haven’t let Covid stop us! Last Friday night we ate dinner together over Zoom. Of course it wasn’t the same as meeting physically but I still saw their daughter’s latest craft, saw all their faces, and heard the update on how my friends are coping. I loved doing family life together. Why not text your friend to ask what time they are planning to eat, and ask to join them. You could plan to watch church online together too!
Be generous with your money
Many people have, and are facing radical reductions to their income. It’s possible that you are facing the same challenge, and God hasn’t given you sufficient income to be generous with your money. But if you’ve got a stable income, and you’re saving a regular amount of your pay packet, now is the time to consider sacrificing some savings for the sake of financial generosity.
Consider your Christian family who have one, two, three, four, or more dependents. Consider how that would feel – to know others depend on you for their shelter, food, and care. Consider that your friends might be losing sleep due to financial stress. Start by praying for their financial needs. Why not ask how your friends are travelling? Perhaps you could offer to pay the next electricity bill for them? Or maybe you could buy a Marley Spoon box for them to be delivered? Or maybe you could pay for someone to do their yard, because they’re just not getting to it. Even these little gifts can go a long way in showing self-sacrificial love.
These are just suggestions, and don’t hesitate to be creative in your love and servant-hood. Being single is a good gift from God. Being married is a good gift from God. During Covid-19, let’s live like we’re all Jesus’ siblings and children of our good God, entering into the needs and concerns of others, at cost to ourselves. We are all brothers and sisters in Christ.