How we think about other people

On 26th August 1928 a woman changed society by making a casual decision to spend a day with a friend. Mrs Amy Donoghue went to a cafe in Paisley with a friend. Her friend ordered her an ice cream float.

The cafe owner poured ginger beer over the ice cream. Mrs Donoghue ate some of the ice cream. Then her friend poured the rest of the ginger beer into her glass. A decomposed snail came out of the bottle with the ginger beer.

Mrs Donoghue became ill. She was eventually admitted to a nearby hospital suffering from severe gastroenteritis and shock.

She took legal action against Mr Stevenson (the manufacturer of the ginger beer). But he didn’t know the bottle was unsafe. Under the law at the time he wasn’t responsible for making sure every bottle he sold was safe. She also couldn’t claim for breach of contract because she hadn’t paid for the bottle.

The House of Lords heard her case. They decided that the manufacturer had neglected his duty to avoid harming others. Lord Atkin (born in Brisbane as James Atkin) said that everyone knew that it was right to love your neighbour. He said that the law prevented people from harming their neighbour. He decided that Mrs Donoghue became Mr Stevenson’s neighbour because she drank out of a bottle he filled.

We take this for granted today. We assume manufacturers will make an effort to ensure their products are safe. We trust use by dates. We expect we can get our money back if a product breaks straight after we pay for it. We have workplace safety laws. These are all good things.

But at the time this was new law. The key principle behind it was that we are responsible for how our actions impact on others. We are to act in ways that love our neighbours, or at least in ways that we can foresee won’t hurt them.

What we think about ourselves

We can place how humans think of themselves on a spectrum. If you let me generalise: people in the West sees themselves as being primarily individuals living life as they choose. Some other places are more communal; people consider the expectations of their extended family, local community and the government.

We can trace individualism in Western culture back to at least as far as the Renaissance, which began in the 14th century. A range of disasters including the plague and over a century of constant warfare created social pressures that governments failed to handle. The Roman Catholic church became known for corruption, greed and abuse. People were disillusioned with old authorities telling them what to think and do.

People also took significant scientific steps forward. The Renaissance was a time of inventions like the printing press and clockwork mechanisms. Scientists such as Galileo, Newton and Copernicus gave us a far greater understanding of the world around us.

Philosophers built on these scientific advances. Descartes developed his famous axiom ‘I think, therefore I am’. This idea was developed further by empiricists like Hobbes and Locke. They argued that we can decide what is right by looking at evidence. Locke in particular taught that we should to be free to obey our consciences. The basic bedrock of human knowledge became individual self-awareness.

There’s a lot to be said for encouraging people to listen to their consciences. I remember growing up in a church ruled by the tyranny of conformity. People attended because it was socially acceptable and expected. They wanted to be seen to be moral. Behind the scenes, there was alcoholism, gossip and hateful intolerance. Their hypocrisy sickened me. They were caught up with pleasing others rather than actually doing what is right.

It is good when people feel free to go against the flow. They can speak their minds and make decisions that differ to the crowd. We shouldn’t do things simply out of a sense of duty to please the people around us. Ultimately we are individuals answerable to God for how we live the life he has given us.

What we do

In the last 50 years the West has taken individualism to another level. Today we define ourselves as we choose; we live out our own truth. As Elsa taught our children we don’t let other people tell us what to do. We believe that each one of us should pursue what is right for him or her.

It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all
It's time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me
I'm free1

In his book Bowling Alone2 Robert Putnam explains this shift in Western society. He recounts how the pre-WWII generation learnt to unite in sacrificing themselves for a common purpose; to survive the Great Depression and to beat Hitler. After the war, they poured their energy into building a better society for their kids.

My generation grew up taking a comfortable society for granted. As we pursued affluence we spent long hours commuting to work, alone, so we could pay for our materialistic dreams. We returned home to fall into a stupor in front of our large-screen TV’s. We anchored ourselves to our homes instead of putting energy into connecting with others.

At the same time we became cynical about social relationships of all kinds. The sexual revolution and no fault divorce burnt many people3. We began to treat marriage and sex causally. The Vietnam War, amongst others, and fights over civil rights have undermined our confidence in governments.

We withdrew from society because we were too tired and we didn’t care. We now know less of the world around us, take less interest in current affairs, and are involved less in political matters than our parents and grandparents. We socialise less, are less hospitable, go to church less and join fewer clubs.

We became casual consumers. We are perhaps the wealthiest people ever to have lived. Yet we give less money, time and effort to others than any generation before us. We would rather pay to watch others play sport than participate in it ourselves. We pay people to perform the roles that volunteers filled in previous generations, like running local sports clubs and working in canteens.

The results are devastating. Social withdrawal is associated with increased poverty. Children are more susceptible to abuse and less likely to achieve. At a personal level, we have become dissatisfied, lonely, and mentally ill4.

If we do form small communities it tends to be with people just like us. We insulate ourselves from anyone who might disagree with, challenge, or offend us. We form self-affirming bubbles that enable us to keep living just as we please.

COVID-19 has shown that individualism is often just selfishness. Some people fought in shopping aisles and stockpiled basic items without thinking about the weak or vulnerable. A few others tried to profit from people’s fears and misery by selling these basics at exorbitant prices.

Some people have carelessly broken social distancing rules because they feel they are a low risk of contracting the disease. They are indifferent to the people who they could infect. The list of similar stories goes on and on.

We used to cry out ‘Pursue your dreams. Do what you feel is right. Don’t let others tell you different’. Now we cry out ‘we are all in this together’. ‘We go to work for you. Please stay home for us.’ We want people to think of others and not just themselves. We are the problem. Individualism and communalism both have serious flaws, because we made them. Behind both systems lie human beings living in a world together. And we are seriously flawed.

How we got here

We need to go back to almost the beginning of the human story. Look at the very first human community. Genesis Chapter 2, verse 25 tells us that Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. It’s a picture of trust: a community characterised by vulnerability, openness, honesty and innocence.

Then evil entered the picture. Satan tempted them to launch a coup against God. He convinced them to try to replace him and determine good and evil themselves. The results were catastrophic in three directions; internally, in how we saw ourselves, in our external relationships (with each other) and in our vertical relationship, with God.

In Genesis Chapter 3 we see the impact on humanity. We learned evil, and not just good. Nakedness had been an experience of joy and goodness. Now it causes shame.

Externally, humans act defensively. They no longer want others to see them for what they are like. They don’t trust others to treat them well. They are scared of other people. They hide from each other. They make a pathetic attempt to cover their shame with plant matter. Verse eight reveals the vertical consequences of their sin. Humanity had enjoyed intimacy with their God who they knew as good and kind. Now people are trying to hide from their sovereign Creator in the bushes.

Verse ten makes their reasons explicit. They are scared of Him. When they are challenged by God they reveal they know they are guilty in his eyes.

This community was marred by mistrust, fear and shame. Adam and Eve were fundamentally and completely changed. Sin altered their self-knowledge, self-awareness, motives, desires and attitudes.

The garden shapes how we relate to each other. We see each other as potential threats and sources of pain. We act to protect ourselves instead of loving each other. We hate and are hated (Titus 3:3). Our communities need to be transformed. This is not as simple as deciding to trust each other and then deciding to put aside our fears and make sacrifices for the sake of others. We as individuals need our hearts and minds changed so that we want to treat each other differently. We need our guilt removed, so we can be open and honest with God and each other.

What God has done

God has done something amazing for us. Hebrews Chapter 10 verses 19-25 (New International Version) declares:

“Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

Jesus has become our great high priest. He offered himself as the sacrifice in our place. He took God’s judgment and anger for our sin on himself. Because of his death he now stands at his Father’s side, pleading for our forgiveness.

Now we have a new start with God. He embraces us because of what Jesus has and is doing. Jesus removes our guilt and shame in God’s sight from our conscience. We don’t need to fear God or hide from him. We can approach him in full assurance that our good Father will show us mercy, despite what we are like.

More than this, God makes us part of a community: his community. He adopts us as his children, making us part of Jesus’ body. So we are joined with each other as well as to our Father.

This community of grace changes how we relate to each other. God doesn’t coerce us into doing good by threatening to punish our failures. Instead, God gives us new hearts. Now we want to do good.

We want to show others the same love and kindness that our merciful Father has shown us in Jesus. So we forgive each other and live without fear that they will hurt us again. We graciously seek to do good to others regardless of what they are like or how they treat us.

This is why we gather as a community. We want to celebrate and give thanks to our Father for his mercy. And we want to have discussions about the gospel where we encourage and challenge each other to love and to do good deeds to others.

What this means in practice

Romans Chapter 12 verse 13 gives us two practical ways we can express this generous spirit: ‘Share with the Lord’s people who are in need.’ (and) ‘Practice hospitality’.

Hospitality is something we all can do. We open our home and invite people into our lives, even for a brief while, either physically or virtually by setting up a computer at the end of the dinner table. This is a very concrete way to get to know someone and show they matter to us.

Secondly, we can share our resources with others, especially our fellow-believers. Studies show Christians do put this into practice. We generously use our time and money to serve our local communities5. We ‘are more likely to adopt children, to resettle refugees, to rehabilitate prisoners, and to help the homeless.’

Closer to home we are only limited by our capacity, resources and skills. There are countless ways we can love people around us if we open our eyes to see the opportunities.

We can…

  • pray for people outside our household

  • phone someone outside our household

  • do something practical for someone; mow their law, go shopping, bake for them

  • be present with them; spend time together exercising and enjoying God’s creation

  • prioritise gathering as a community

We can’t do everything. We can take risks and make sacrifices to do something. As a community we can show a little bit of the love we have experienced in Jesus.

  1. Songwriters: Kristen Anderson-Lopez / Robert Lopez. Let It Go lyrics © O/B/O Apra Amcos ↩

  2. Robert Putnam Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community, Simon & Schuster 2000; 2nd edition 2020 ↩

  3. For example see To Have and To Hold: strategies to strengthen marriage and relationships, Commonwealth of Australia 1998 p27-41. Or Glynn Harrison A Better Story: God, sex & human flourishing IVP, 2017 p92-111 ↩

  4. Putnam looks mainly at the USA. However, stats in Australia show similar trends. For example, ABC News reported that only 1 in 3 young people rarely felt lonely. Whereas 2 in 3 elderly report this. We are increasingly becoming disconnected from each other. The Guardian reported on a similar study by Swinburne University. ↩

  5. See A less religious America will be a less generous America in The Boston Globe. Deloitte reports similar findings in Australia. ↩

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

 

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